Just another conversation

I have had one of the most splendid conversations with myself. It happened earlier this morning while driving from Noida to Gurgaon, a drive usually deemed to be a pain. At times, in fact, in my case, most of the times, a drive can be therapeutic, like the one today. It helped clear all the clutter in my head. The dark clouds seemed to fade. It all began with self affirmations. What are self affirmations? Why do we reiterate to ourselves things we would wish, materialize? I realized, that to my mind, re-affirming things to oneself, what one wants to believe in, what one would like to see happen, are futile. Want is intrinsic. Want is strong. Want is natural. One must evolve or grow into wanting something so much that all natural actions and reactions strive towards it. If that’s not happening perhaps you have not wanted it so bad. Perhaps one is looking in the wrong places. A wish must become a want to be a part of every breathing moment. When it does, one does not have to remind oneself of its importance or create an awareness of its existence. It is overwhelming enough to thrive on its own. Self affirmations address change to an extent. Once again I treat change to be external, evolution is not. Anything extrinsic is a force acting against nature. Perhaps we need to be comfortable in our own skin, the pace at which we live, unapologetic about how we think and feel and content with who we are and what we have. I by no means wish to dismiss aspirations, I never would, they after all fuel evolution. It is in fact a lot like the emotion, love. Love, a commonly used, most commonly abused word. Love is unconditional, it is not reiterated. It simply exists and grows. It knows no head, no heart because it values the soul. I have heard people mention how they once had a loved one. Had a loved one? I question. Love just stays; It is the demonstration that at best may fade away. Probably it was never love that they shared. It is the one thing that is permanent, the one thing you carry to your grave and who knows beyond. The only truth some say is death, but I could argue for one more, evidently. Not that I am trying to be condescending but it is an opinion that I bear at this moment, and who knows as I grow each day it may change.

3 November 2008

sometimes equations seem to match but they are not balanced.(1.05 am)

Hiatus

It has been a while since I wrote anything. Prima facie a good excuse will be the lifestyle we lead. It is easy to use hectic schedules as a reason for not following what one does otherwise. Otherwise? Well, yeah! There have been a couple times I thought I would pen down my thoughts and realized that I was unable to do justice. Defeating the purpose of finding respite in writings and using it as my truth serum. The hiatus has been cold and long, with loads untold. So I have decided to capture what I am thinking of and how i feel, in little capsules. To the world of internet savvy they term it micro-blogging. I am going to just call it updates on my status. An aggregate of all the moods I care to share on gtalk and facebook. Maybe they will help me know myself better, in retrospect. Need to get back to writing even if it means penning down a line and no matter how frivolous and inconsequential it be, it will at least keep me in touch. Wish more things were like swimming and cycling. Let’s explore!

In Love, Margarita

There is nothing more I could do
but tell you how and why,
I love you more,
each time I look into your eyes.
It is like falling in love with you from the very beginning
The time seems to rewind,
All the people and moments seem to standstill.
To our hopes and the glint of our love
There is a flame you bring to our lives
There is nothing more I could do
But express the love for you I carry inside
To tell you that you are the one for me until tomorrows
Until the suns and moons of our lives
Together we see the secret gardens of our selves in each others arms
There is nothing more I could do
But tell you how deeply I love you dear
Love you each day of my life,
Like the one day that it takes to survive.
It is our one life we make it together
We carry each other through good times and otherwise
Hold each other & come back from occasions we never did part
Awake and relentless we hold ourselves together,
With every rhythm I dance to, every tune I hum
We know it is our song, we have sung it together
Rejoicing and rekindling the love that blossoms
There is nothing more I could do
But tell you how and why
You mean everything that defines meaning in this life and in those to come.
- In love, Margarita

So Far...

So Far..

It has been easy so far,
The truth that dwelled in our lives
Was buried and scarred
As I re-visit the essence and drive
I feel compelled to correct the standards to survive
To resurrect the dying aptitude in moral conviction
to improve in small measures
to make doable resolutions

A process of self help
A guide to what I would like to be known as best
The things I would like to do
The things that I would find time to pursue
The approach is not a whirlwind solution
But the implementation of an idiom I heard at kindergarten
Rome was not built in a day
Simple thoughts put into practice through simpler actions
Will comprise a fruitful day


An inner truth we aspire for
Is to realize our ambitions
In spheres we care for
These are:
Our definitions
Our descriptions
Our search for meaning of life

In all we do in a day’s cycle
Over an extended period of time
What stands out is the lack of growth in monotonous routine tasks
That we train our heart and mind to execute in factions of time
The vicious cycle is not never-ending, once identified
There is indeed an attachment to the mundaneness of our lives
Severing of the everyday ties
Comfort with ambiguity is rarely high
Attempting to change though healthy, is a courageous try
Moreover, can you change what you have known of yourself all your breathing life
A one shot claim is at best an outburst, an outcry,

The mechanics to change are often not hostile
The transition is through
improvements in small measures and doable resolutions
each day, everyday of our lives