Finding love in unreal places

Finding love in unreal places
A beautiful story, defaces.
Vacillating countenance
Dry eyes cried aloud.
How could the gospel truth
Be so far beyond?
Never looked me in the eye.
All that numbed my head,
Affections without a stance.
Belied.
Trials of belief in self,
Time and again.
Dainty love,
Coffined his strength.
Victory of her demonstrated vulnerabilities,
There was never a battle to win.
Can’t cry foul and yellow,
No bone to pick,
Each conceded,
Cackles to bouts of silence,
Venting of one, sans duologue.
Relenting once into momentousness
No memories, just flashes.
Blinded then, in hindsight.
Surreal, in time.
looking for love in unreal places.
Finding love in undone spaces

Cents to a Dollar

Every cent you take
You give back a dollar.
Every moment you fake,
You get closer to reality.
Its all about un-thought unscrupulous mortality.
Deathless.
Breathing life into listless insanity.
What really is sanity?
Is the glass half full?
Or egg half broken?
Am I simply an opportunist?
A characterization of contrived adherence?
or a picture of societal free fall?
You will love me tomorrow,
Do you see me with you today?
Time is not uni-dimensional
But a multidimensional mess.
Walking dark alleys,
Silencing poltergeists.
Or is that scream a longing for silence?
Palpable.
Untouched.
or conveniently forgotten?
Delving into condescending duality,
The spell of frivolous lust and greed.
Knowing men are vents for gods sins
HER unpretentious pleasures
His happiness but a mirage.
HER love for him, a masquerade.
And when was it that you saw beyond the almighty's mask?
HER surreal identity,
His unforgiving hypocrisy,
Both brutal.

I sit by the sidewalk,
Investing cents for a dollar to roll back.

-Jugalbandi @Route04

Art & Science of Deception

Elementary, my dear Watson!
And that’s what the world remembers.
A line that never existed.
The untruth that lives each day and dies.

We see what we want to.
We hear what we desire.
We believe an illusion.
And when the illusion breaks,
Say that the world conspires?

Deception is a strange game.
It relays a vicious cycle.
It plays on the weakest link,
Trust in another,
Until it feeds into your self
The beginning is where it ends.

What you give is what you earn.
What you get is,
Neither fate,
Nor out of turn.

Tied to strings,
Self-professed, oh so detached!
Holding onto the last straw,
That sinks.
Instead,
Believe in oneness and survive.

Definitions and boundaries,
Amorphous principles,
Open to scrutiny and sub-judice.
Collective intelligence,
Limiting individuality,
Pre-ordained paths to happiness.
Crafted concepts of social being.

Subterfuge of who we are
And perception.
Striving for acceptance,
Moving to religion.
Restricting living,
To sheer existence.

One amongst the plenteous stages of evolution
Is self –admission
to ravenous narcissism and intemperance.
Arguably,
love of self is ‘the’ driving force
Confronted with a tirade of continuous dissent.

All are born with colored eyes
With colored love and a colored mind.
with the ongoing struggle to demystify
with a challenge to revive
a sonnet called life.

In Love, Margarita

There is nothing more I could do
but tell you how and why,
I love you more,
each time I look into your eyes.
It is like falling in love with you from the very beginning
The time seems to rewind,
All the people and moments seem to standstill.
To our hopes and the glint of our love
There is a flame you bring to our lives
There is nothing more I could do
But express the love for you I carry inside
To tell you that you are the one for me until tomorrows
Until the suns and moons of our lives
Together we see the secret gardens of our selves in each others arms
There is nothing more I could do
But tell you how deeply I love you dear
Love you each day of my life,
Like the one day that it takes to survive.
It is our one life we make it together
We carry each other through good times and otherwise
Hold each other & come back from occasions we never did part
Awake and relentless we hold ourselves together,
With every rhythm I dance to, every tune I hum
We know it is our song, we have sung it together
Rejoicing and rekindling the love that blossoms
There is nothing more I could do
But tell you how and why
You mean everything that defines meaning in this life and in those to come.
- In love, Margarita

Memoirs

The days of self definition,
Those days of freedom.
Living each day of our lives,
With the few, restricted choices at our discretion.

The days of casual conversations,
Intermittent, with spurts of laughter.
Those days of flirtatious admiration.

Novelty, was in all we did.
First-timer adrenaline rushes.
Gasping in horror over breath analyzers,
Post trouble-making and it's ramifications.

In love with multiple people, simultaneously,
Pouring out sighs of adulation.
Only if we could put together someone, that satiated our fascination.

The stolen askew glance to the one we desire, to call sweetheart,
Exchanging polite conversation with their best cohort.
Coffee-dates translating into endless gossip sessions,
Extrapolating multifarious possibilities one dreamed of.

Short-skirts and pleat-less trousers.
Hair styled to perfection.
A let loose, tie.
An air of confidence.
An expression, of the wannabe millionaire.

Cans of coke,
Jargon about the dame and ol’ bloke.
Slangs of generation next,
Rolling of r’s,
Struggling between British and American accents.
Alas! Contemporary hip-hop lip sync, an aspiration.

The coolest gig-
Traditional waltzing in dim lighting with a demure babe.
Driving to hangout joints with blaring tape.
Rally cars, with metallic fenders and modification.
Swatch to flaunt and mobile rescue operations.

Going dutch on fine-dining,
To afford the delectable chocolate cake.
Setting valentine’s as target to get oneself a date.
Movie romances that transported one to dream locations.

Last minute assignments!
What’s with the examinations?
Burning of the midnight candle to get a first glimpse at the syllabus in question.
Scanning the question paper for the eureka moment,
In hope to see something that trigger's our imagination,
Clenching the pen between our teeth,
With our fingers in circular motion,
In deep thought of falling grades,
Anxiety of passing and the commotion within.
Convinced we’d have cracked the paper,
Given just another day of preparation.

So tutorials will be it, parents forceful assertion.
The passport to your future millions, their declaration.
Yeah right! Like group studies were helpful!
So will be yet another commercialized educational institution.

With the best of wardrobe on display,
The best bet to break away from the school uniform, oh so mundane.
To flaunt the recent purchase of imported fragrances,
Wear streaked, treated-hair in any form,
To fall in place or apart, trained to conform.
Torn-denims, anti-fits, low-waists called the shots in the fashion hour
Tees that showcased the arduous work done.
Brief,  flashes of  brand endorsements, where one hadn't gone.

Basketball in hand, heading for a smoke on the court.
Equipped with all the accouterments, to be on the ground.
Football was incidental, cared for the crowd.

The high fives on meeting,
Hugs echoing fraternity,
Friends ganging-up  for the sneak peek of F-TV,
To ogle at the damsels walk the ramp in bikinis.
Discussion about the hottie round the bend,
A new entrant to the colony.

Geeks don’t go far was the mantra,
Have fun, the war-cry
Years from the day of school farewell,
Half a dozen batches or more apart from that day of graduation.
The thread that ties,
The days of self definition,
Those days of freedom,
Is living our life to the fullest,
With the few, restricted choices, at our discretion

World of One

When worlds come together and destiny does us apart
There will always be a smile on my face that your memories will bring back to my heart

When there will no sunshine, and there will be no hope
I will feel the warmth of your palm slip into mine and guide me through the dark sorrow.

Connect to me today as you did yesterday and will tomorrow
Be with my soul as we have never been apart

In your presence, I am inspired to live in a fictitious day
In a moment, that is as fulfilling as strawberries dipped in chocolate sauce

A tug between the mind and the heart
You convince yourself with beautiful thoughts
The last dance I danced with you on a fateful night

An aroma of romance, in the nip of star spangled sky
The gown I wore to waltzing with my love
And you called me sweetheart
My toes pointed, arms rested on your shoulder with pride
You held me close, you held me firm in your arms
You led me once again
You led me to prance around the floor
with kindergarten delight
The twirls and turns
The enchanting music and mesmerizing eye lock
With nothing to hide
For the world to delight
The world of one

When the worlds come together and destiny does us apart
There will always be a smile on my face that your memories will bring back to my heart
I know you will be home to me before I call it midnight, my love.

Who is Self-assured?

Who is self assured?
The man who bore his family until he turned 64?
Today he relies more on emotional needs,
More than ever before
Self sufficient he always was
The bread winner of the family
The character he had enacted for majority of his life ended
A tragedy

Who is self assured?
The young professional who carries the burden of his success?
He drives too hard, he drives too fast
Without stopping to think what the true motivation is
Self-satisfied in one sphere of life
But for one failure
He cannot meet it in the eye

Who is self-assured?
The owner of gold mines?
Many a sleepless nights he lives
Fraught with danger to loose a dime
Too much at stake, too much of risk.
A nervous wreck-under the spell of misfortune or ill-fate.

Who is self-assured?
The maverick, who lives his nomadic life?
A self willed way of living
Untouched by worries, concern or strife
Unsettled he is over attachments and reciprocation of ties.

Who is self-assured?
The hand that rocks the cradle?
Or
The new born with a benign smile?
Who is self-assured, but the man deprived of self?
Who is self-assured, but the man living the only truth of life?
Who is self-assured, until one meets the mastermind?

Thinking of You

I think of you often
More often than not it is subconscious
Some memories fail to fade
Like fresh paint on a palette
Some evoke nervous laughter
Others make me twitch in disbelief
About how naïve I could have been

I thought of you this morning
For reasons unknown I was smiling
The radio station played our favorite song
People were sunnier than the norm
Home by evening
Content enough to write my own epitaph
Sank into the couch and stared at a canvass on the wall
And as the day begins to end
Dusk dawns
In the kitchen, I adorn the chef’s robe
To try my luck with a dish for folks
Wafts of cookies and caramel fill the air
In bed at day’s end
Going through a stack of old photographs
I wear a nostalgic smile
I have been thinking of you yet again
I think of you often
More often than not it is subconscious

Vulnerability

The insecurity I have dealt with is letting one know of my vulnerabilities,
Needless to say expressions don’t come easy.
Telling one about how I feel is like wearing my mum’s stiletto’s when I was nine,
Looking into the mirror awaiting admiration and appreciation when they would be exclusively mine,
Took them off just soo quickly,
placing them back at the same degree
With all the make-up I wore and baubles to compliment
Yards of cloth, the attire so different.

You wonder how I relate expressing myself and wearing stilettos
Alas! Perhaps you’d never know
For boys like blue, girls like pink
And this a typical girl child thing

It is with the same innocence and purity of that little girl that unfolds here……
I tried so hard for mum to not know….place everything back to the best I’d known
BUT …she always knew!!!
She always did, the creases in her dress, my tinted lips and her haphazardly kept trinkets.

It is with the same purity and innocence of that little girl
That I reveal about how I feel
But I know this time it has been you who has been watching over me
And I feel awkwardly exposed
My secret unraveled
Beyond my control.
Controlled,you wonder if that is me?
No it is all about vulnerability
Awaiting that the admiration and appreciation of the mirror be reciprocated

But now you know
You always didn't
Only if I'd followed my head & not been different
Gave myself a chance
I’ll try not to regret, I tried to know
Although I know it should have been slow
Never really realized when the quiver let go off the arrow
Outgrown contained and insecure,
Shearing away vulnerabilities.

Until the reason is you

Like the day, when you know,
Sun has been shinning all day long
You know not it's worth till it's gone.
I shall be the warmth that will comfort all your needs
Till the day of your misdeeds.

Like the mellifluous singing brooke
meanders it's course, and finds it's way.
You know it has gone, when it merges at the bay.
I shall with all the radiance,
Charm you to live a full life.
Until the day you let go of me over a strife.

Like the wind rustles the leaves,sways the trees
Until the forest fire sets them free.
I shall whisper the words of fortune,
and opportunities to be.
Until you step to hear someone else's plea.

Like the footprints on the dunes of sand,
white of the snow, that marked the presence of man
Until the forbidden storm swept it clear off the land.
I shall create pleasure and beauty,
grant joy and satisfy you to eternity.
Till you shall maintain my faith & dignity.

Like pearl drops are shed from the firmament
to quench a thirsty land
Until the floods are confirmed
I shall be the preciousness you possess
Until the brilliance of another me you dispossess.

Like the scintillating, shimmer of a star spangled sky
Until the honour of moon we galore
I shall incandescently burn to lighten your prayer
Until your laurels don't see me there.

Like the complacence of solitude, peace within ones self reside
Until open eyes realize the isolation they find
I shall power you and your secret self
Encouraging and demonstrating of my presence
Until I realize alone is for what you care.

Clear eyes, mischievous smile,
Powdery fragrance, breathtaking sighs
Extended arms, aching love,
Until the reason is you
I will stay.

She Will Forever Be...

When all is fair and good,
Dancing in the rain,
In the times of innocence
What happens when vice prevails?
Patriarchal it is,
Social norms apply,
Ill fated about her feminist side.
Degraded. Fallen, Consumed within.
She shares little,
It gnaws at her skin.
It is not all, that she states.
In her mind, recalling the unfortunate relays.
She paces in her graces,
Observing the amiability each day.
The gloom of shadows,
Keeping up with prejudices.
She has her moments,
Moments that don’t rectify the wrongs.
Taking the pace off her life,
She slows down, disintegrates inside.
It is contrived, defeats her faith.
Heart and soul under a veil,
Love borne off her chaste stance.
The womb of love and forgiveness has known no another.
In her facial lines, stems expression.
Words belie and a world of implicit pervades.
The rise of phoenix is her strength.
No one man injustice will conquer her land.
It is the call of curtain raiser,
Privy to her centre stage.
Tomorrow will be no different.
Innumerable follies, all pervasive.
Staring in her face as strangers once disgraced.
The loss is no more hers.
She has grown within.
Not regretting a day,
For having bent backwards
For not having tried to break away.
Trampled and tormented,
Moral courage she never deceives.
Laughs with you and humors idiosyncrasies.
Does not die a secret,
Living the life of a mystery.
The epitaph reads,
She is a woman to me, She is a woman and will forever be.